I am writing this because I have a few select readers who I feel close to or who won't pass on or use in the wrong way. Last week was a very emotional, hard week for me. I was super down and weepy. I had no energy, no desire to really do anything more than what was necessary. I felt alone and isolated. I'll stop right now to say that Jack had nothing to do with this. In fact, he would come home at night to try and help me, but he had no success. I didn't feel like I really had anyone to reach out to, and even if I did, I wouldn't know what to tell them. I tried to just pray about it, I tried to get into the Word, but I just felt empty. It got me thinking on Sunday when I went to church.....when people say they are fine, are they really fine? I am happy to say that last weeks devotions were really good and practical for me, so much that I listened more on Focus on the Family and I went and bought the book.by Lysa TerKeurst entitled "Univited, living loved when you feel less than, left out and lonely".. I wasn't feeling left out, but certainly lonely and so far the book has helped me a lot. Who knows.....maybe it was just hormones, or that time of the month, but today seems like a better day. Todays reading gave me practical advice for when I have a friend going through this and I thought I would jot it down the next time I see someone struggling so that I can help and be an encouragement to them.
They weren’t laughing with me. That would have meant I was accepted, wanted and invited in to be a part of their group.
No, they were laughing at me.
I was the subject of their gossip. I was the punch line of their jokes.
And it hurt.
I imagine you know that hurt too. Change the scenery and people, and this same hurt can be found in most of our lives:
- When your coworkers all make plans to go to lunch, but you weren’t invited.
- When that other preschool mom says, “Several of us moms are concerned with how aggressive your child seems on the playground.”
- When everyone else’s social media makes marriage look dreamy and uber-romantic as you’re crying yourself to sleep.
Then a friend steps in with a gentle smile and a few simple words of encouragement and suddenly you’re not alone.
I want to be that friend for you today.
In the midst of whatever made your heart feel knocked off-kilter, can I whisper what I believe are the 5 best things one can say to a friend? And then might you give the gift of saying these things to a friend today?
This list is from our key verses, Romans 12:12-13, in a section titled “Love.”
1. “You’re wonderful.”
(Romans 12:12,
“Be joyful in hope …”)
The world is quick to tell us all the ways we fall short. We are hyperaware of our faults and frailties.
So, what a precious gift to remind a friend of specific ways she’s a wonderful friend, a wonderful mom, a wonderful Jesus girl, a wonderful wife, a wonderful co-worker, a wonderful person.
2. “Me too.”
(Romans 12:12,
“… patient in affliction …”)
What a blessing to remind a friend we all have afflictions, hurts, faults and tender places. We all get sick both emotionally and physically.
The patient friend freely gives grace because she so desperately needs it herself. “Me too” acknowledges I’m no better than you, but together we are stronger. It’s such a loving and disarming admission that we’re all in this together.
3. “I’ll pray.”
(Romans 12:12,
“… faithful in prayer.”)
Wouldn’t it be wonderful to tell a friend you will absolutely be faithful in praying for her? I have someone who prays for me faithfully and even texts me Scriptures she’s praying.
But here’s what I really love about her. She doesn’t just pray about my situations:
She prays me through them.
4. “I’ll share.”
(Romans 12:13,
“Share with the Lord’s people who are in need …”)
When we notice a need in a friend’s life, might we be willing to step in and be part of the solution?
I have a friend who lost every possession she owned due to a chemical spill in her home. So, we threw her a “Job Party” (like the man in the Bible). Each of us brought a few things to help her family start over.
We didn’t come close to fully meeting their financial needs. But we helped build a foundation of restoration and gave this family the assurance God was working on their behalf.
5. “Come over.”
(Romans 12:13,
“Practice hospitality.”)
Welcoming a friend inside the sacred space of our home is such a needed gesture. There’s just something about relationships that are less pixelated when we get eye-to-eye, voice-to-voice and talk.
Really talk.
Over broken bread we share broken hearts. And then we celebrate the parts of us that are still intact. We reach across the table and across our differences to grab hold of the glorious bond of friendship.
Yes, these are 5 great things to say to a friend.
And I’ve found as we purposefully ease the loneliness ache in others, we will see it is beautifully eased in us.
