Discouragement

I had a little discouraging day. First of all my surgery did not give me the results that I had hoped for. Because of my circumstances, the doctor could not do the full blown procedure but just had to burn as much as she could. After just a few weeks I'm running into some of my same problems. Granted they aren't as bad as before, but I was hoping for better results and I feel that I'm back to the drawing board. It also brings me down because the surgery cost over $11k. We have to pay about 10% of that which is still a lot and I truly truly feel we just wasted a lot of our money. That amount would have paid for part of tuition or something. I've had a really bad emotional day over it. I do go back to the doctor tomorrow, but I don't think she can wave a magic wand and make it better.
Secondly I've been a little discouraged about what to do next year. Do I try to get 5 days (if available) stay 3 days, don't work at all and just be sub at SCS, try to find other work at another preschool? I think most of you know how badly I want in at SCS and I still will not quit praying about it. Mrs. Davis asked me to sub this week. When I replied to her and told her I could, I also told her about how I was praying about next year....take 5 days, 3 days or just sub. She said she would take the "sub" route. I would do that, but there are several weeks/months where I wouldn't get much at all. That doesn't pay bills or help out on extras. I guess in the back of my mind I was hoping that she would have something for next year (they are growing). I'm still praying for a miracle.
On top of this, there are still some things going on at preschool where it is obvious favoritism is going on and there are times where I feel like I am being pushed out or that it's time to leave. Right now no one knows for sure if they will even have a job next year. My 4 year olds are so special to me and if I gave that up for no permanent work, I think I'd be lost. Right now God has not shown a clear path or opened/closed any specific doors, so I guess I'll just keep waiting...."I'm waiting on you Lord though it's not easy". (one of my favorite songs). I'm thankful to blog because I feel like someone is listening and I can unload!