Death

I was sitting in my living room Sunday night.  I usually keep my phone beside me, especially when the kids are out and about.  I got a text from the head of school saying please read the urgent email.  When I read the email, I screamed out at Jack.  One of my co-workers died earlier Sunday morning.  Miss Becky Ham was only 37.  We have staff meetings on Wednesdays and last Wednesday she requested prayer because she didn't feel well.  Friday on our group chat she mentioned that she had a rough night.  Sunday morning before church, I sent her a text to check on her.  I wish I hadn't.  I didn't know that she was in the hospital fighting for her life.  All I know is she went to the doctor Friday.  She had bronchitis.  They did find a spot on her long, but were not concerned and were going to look at it Tuesday.  They said it wasn't COVID protocol because she did not have a fever and her oxygen level was fine.  Sunday morning she was taken by ambulance to the hospital.  She finally was stable and called her mom and dad.  Shortly after that, she had a heart attack and died.  I don't know when all this happened time wise, but I hate that I sent that text at that moment.  I feel horrible.

It's been tough because we aren't in school and we can't help the kids that are grieving.  They cancelled classes Monday and Tuesday.  Also because of COVID we couldn't attend a funeral, but today we were able to attend via Facebook, the graveside service.  Becky's dad was her pastor, and I was amazed that he was able to do the service.  It was beautiful.  Becky loved to sing and would often sing for their church and for funerals and things.  One of her favorite songs was Amazing Grace, my chains are gone.  At the end of the service, they played a recording of her singing it.  It was a moving experience.

Becky loved God and that was so evident in her life and the way her students loved her.  She did have Jacob and Jenna and she also helped last year coach Jenna's basketball team.  This year when Josh was struggling in English, she did a facetime with him to help him.   She was a ray of sunshine.  I wasn't as close to her as some of the other teachers, but her presence in the fall (if we can go back) will be greatly missed.

One thing that I can't shake today is would people say that about me?  Would they say the love of Jesus was evident in my life?  Would my students say that they knew I cared?  It has been very heavy on my heart.  Another thing very heavy on my heart is how short live really is.  We didn't know that last Friday would be our last school day.  (The decision was made that Sunday).  We didn't know that was the last time we would see her.  She was just 37.  Life is so short.  I wish I could have spent a little more time with her.  Even though I am struggling today, it truly is a comfort to know that she is singing for Jesus.