A Mother's Heart

As a mom, I always want what is best for my children. Sometimes, you just don't know what is best. One of my children struggles a little at school. I will be happy to discuss it privately with you if you would like to know how to pray for us. I am torn as a mother to know what is best for my child. They have been on medicine for several months now. The first medicine was a nightmare and this one is much better, however this child has had a lot of problems sleeping at night. I have given the child a break on the weekends from their medicine. Last week I accidentally forgot to give them the medicine. The teacher noticed a big change in my child. The child was more outgoing and actually acted more involved and asked questions in class. I did the same thing yesterday (on purpose) and again the teachers told me what an improvement in personality they saw in my child. She told me that she would much rather teach this child than the personality they are on with the medicine. My first reaction was "ok....we are taking the child off the medicine" or possibly decreasing the amount.....but my child told me today that they feel they can work better when they are on the medicine. My heart is torn to know what is the right thing to do.
On the same note this child really wants to be home schooled next year. J told me (instead of using the word child) that they thought the work load would be much easier and thus we could drop the medicine. Part of me would be willing to do this, but I don't want J to think that they got their way or that when life gets hard there is always an easier way.
And finally my heart is heavy because for the first time in my life, we owe taxes. I guess Jack's severance and bonus was to blame. I know I will send at least one child back, but I'm worried about the other two. I know I could home school, but I don't feel the "calling" right now. Like I said before, I want what is best for my kids and for us, I think that is attending a school.. All I can do is pray about the other two and watch God work.

Catching Up on Thoughts and Stuff

This is a random blog full of thoughts and things. First of all, let me catch up by showing some pictures from last week. We kept Hannah Wednesday and Thursday. The kids were off school on Thursday, so they really enjoyed keeping her. I think Jacob wants another baby around the house because he seemed to enjoy her the most.

It's been over a month since mom died. I've learned a lot through this experience. One of the things I learned the most is how important it is to follow up on people after the death. Things don't end just because the funeral is over. Also, I learned how important it is to say something....anything to someone who is going through this. I realize it is hard to know what to say, but not saying nothing is worse than anything. I won't let that happen again. I've learned now that I should say something even if it is just "I'm praying for you". I learned how much going to the funeral or visitation really encourages someone. I will admit although there have been people who have not said a word, some people surprisingly stepped up....people that I never really had contact with before. It's almost like now we have a common bond which has made us instant friends.

My last thought is that I really want a part time job. I greatly miss my preschool class and having something to be proud of.....something I can call my own. I am a little picky about what I get as I want to be around for the family and not miss out on things. I really would like something for when the kids are in school. I've been looking, but have not had much luck. I've enjoyed being at home....doing projects like painting etc, but I really need more. I had a feeling that I wouldn't get called as much this year, and it is true. Most of my days are known ahead of time and my phone has only rung once at 6:30 so far this year. I'm really needing something to have some sort of feeling of self worth. Jack and I also will celebrate 15 years next summer and I would love to get away for a couple of days......something I can't do unless the extra income comes in.

The Roller Coaster

It's been one of those weeks. It's been a roller coaster of emotions. It's not been a good week for me. Other than one week in December, this has been the first time that I have not worked at least one day at school. Now is the time we need it the most and I'm just doing nothing but worry (yes, I know that is a sin). After having some hope, everything seemed to take a nose dive and I must admit, I'm at one of the lowest points I have been at in a long time. If you know me, I am not a patient person and it's not easy for me to wait. I'm stressing so bad over things......when will we have an income again, oops.....I spent more on the grocery budget this week,(ugh) what if now I don't have enough in my envelope to last the entire month, do I have enough in the "clothing budget" to get something (bad timing for taking Dave Ramsey.....I certainly don't have financial PEACE) ....how are we going to pay for tuition, am I going to have to home school next year, what if we have to start cutting into savings, and the list can go on and on. It's gonna be ok, I know.....at least I know it in my head, but my heart doesn't know that yet!!

More of Graduation

Here are more pictures of graduation. My days of preschool are over for a few months. The bad part is that I don't get much of a break. Tuesday Jacob has something special at school, Wednesday Joshua has a picnic and Thursday is a half day and it's all over. Oh well. I always enjoy graduation because the parents start hugging you and telling you how much they will miss you and how happy they were for their child to have you. Although I rec'd many gifts, the cards the parents write to you mean so much more. My boss gave me a $25 gift card to Chilis. (which was already spent) Some of the gifts I rec'd from parents: $25 American Express card, $15 to Hudson's Garden Center, $15 to Subway, $10 to Starbucks, candles, bath and body shop products, and stationary. My favorite however was a note written by one of my 4 year old mom's. The card itself was very touching, but inside was $25 for "ALL About Me" a salon where Jenna and I can go spend time together and get our nails done and she bought that so that Jenna and I could have a special day before kindergarten (it's designed for tweens). I always need this day, not to receive all the gifts, but to realize no matter how bad things get, these children are special and they and their parents love me. It also makes me realize that I am good at what I do!!

What God Thinks.....

Recently I have been reading on contentment and also about being concerned about what God thinks of us, instead of what man thinks of us. I'll be honest, I struggle in both areas. Sometimes I think I am doing ok, and then I realize I haven't gotten there yet. Case in point this week....I was very concerned about someone I don't know really well seeing my house. My house was not clean, and for some reason I get embarrassed that we don't have a big house. She ended up not having to come to the house, and I was relieved. Second case....we had to go to someones house this past week and the house was GORGEOUS!!! I kept thinking to myself....if only I had this house....think of all the room we would have....where we could put this, where we could put that. I hope in a couple of years at the most that we will have a bigger house, but right now, I have to realize that is not possible. More cases this week.....I was put with a group of Christian women who were very kind to me, but yet because I do not go to church with them, I lacked that common bond. I found myself trying harder to be 'accepted" when actually I already was...it's just that I don't know them as well because of that. Why do I care what these people think anyway? Even one of my children made a comment to me about how another mommy was "skinny" as was able to play sports....and well, lets just say that's another post!!!
I have daily learn these lessons of contentment (and I should just be thankful that we have a place to call home, even though I can't decorate or make it fancy) and learning that I don't have to go through life trying to please everyone when all I need to do is make sure that God thinks of me.
So, do any of you guys struggle in one or both of these areas, or am I the only one that struggles?